My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
