pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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