Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
