So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
