My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
