I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
