True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
