Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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