i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
