Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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