I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
