i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
