I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
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