and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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