Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
