giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
