you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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