just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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