cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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