my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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