New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
