And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
