I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
