I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
