Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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