My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
