but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
