Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
