my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
