Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
