She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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