Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
no you cant smoke seaweed
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
