I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
