There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
