do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
