Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
