what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
