I accidentally burped into my bong.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
