YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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