I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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