The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
