I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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