Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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