Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
