sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
