I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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