Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
