If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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