i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
