Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
